My passion for South Africa...

I just thought I would write a post to explain why South Africa means so much to me, and why it can act as an example to St Helena.

I have always, since my first visit through, on my way back to St Helena, felt a strong deep connection, love, and respect for South Africa. Of course some of this comes from my deep inner connection to and respect and love for Nelson Mandela himself, having read every book and speech he has ever made, and remembering - in fact its my first memory of television (!) watching him emerge from prison. He has always been and always will be an inspiration. But - it should be remembered that he did not work alone. He did NOT bring about such monumental change without the help of many others including well known people such as Joe Slovo, Oliver Tambo, Desmond Tutu, Winnie, Steve Biko...and many many others. I cannot stress how difficult it is to bring about any sort of change....within a population, alone. This is why I cannot do this either for St Helena - I need your support. And also, we need to remember that in this case it is not a case of the majority fighting against the minority....its the other way round :( There are very few of us willing to speak out, and a majority that accepts the way things have always been.

The country certainly has its fair share of troubles, is violent, corrupt, and desperately impoverished, with sadly the highest prevalence and largest epidemic of HIV / Aids in the entire world. And its also well known, probably more so than anywhere else on earth....for its extremely high level of rape (and murder). These are still massive problems, and with a very large population compared to ST Helena obviously there will be more rape....and the society is different - I will say that outwardly rape appears more violent in nature in SA than it does on the Island. However......where my respect for South Africa lies is in exactly what I have just said; the entire world is fully aware of its statistics, everybody knows about it, the country does NOT attempt to "hide" it (although in some remote parts there could also be silencing due in part to cultural influence). South Africa has NEVER hidden its alarming crime rate, and still to this day, does not deny it. The FCO are happy enough to make its situation very clear for people visiting the country, as it should do, and people are advised to take necessary precautions. (The same FCO who have admitted covering up large scale abuse on ST Helena). Although.... I myself have never had an issue ever....(my near death experiences in Southern Africa have been caused by lightning, Rabies, and being rescued from potential murderers in Namibia by a drunk priest...), although I am careful and read people well. What makes the already hidden situation with rape and abuse on St Helena even more painful, as I have already said, is the very fact that it chooses to do the opposite to South Africa - and hides it from the entire world. In fact it does worse......it paints an image of paradise (which is does have one one hand), and that of being "the safest place on earth". This I find very sinister. The reasons suggested have been to protect the funding for the new airport, and tourism, and to avoid "spoiling the Islands reputation". Well.... this I cannot accept. For one - South Africa may have a violent reputation, but it has not put people off visiting, and that part, violent as it is, has NOT tarnished its reputation in terms of still being the wonderful country that it is. People love and visit South Africa in their millions; fully aware of the risks and dangers, they are also aware of the love, the beauty, the wildlife, the hospitality, and joy and determination that the country represents. And to me, what it represents most is "humanity", in its most raw form. Being in touch with other human beings. It is after all the birthplace of humans....with the "Cradle of Humankind" just an hour from Johannesburg. I also know...I can feel that my ancestors were from Gauteng; there is a connection, and a feeling of "home" that cannot be explained any other way. I even met someone who is the opposite.... a South African whose ancestors are Saint !! Our ancestry is partly one of slavery - and although many Africans and Asians ended up on the island initially as slaves, and then rescued from slavery; when there were too many, some were shipped away to South Africa. Hence finding someone with ancestry on St Helena (!)...although originally im guessing he would have been imported from Asia.

Out of its darkness, from evil apartheid, it has brought about massive change. Clearly it is still going to be in the process of adaptation but for a developing country, it is one that should have such pride in its achievements. The changes that have been brought about should never be overlooked, and should set an example for the entire world. In fact I dont know of anywhere else I have as much respect for in fighting injustice like it has done. Even now, it is making monumental progress with reducing new cases of HIV with the project that has received no financial assistance from the outside world, the country has funded its own AIDs initiative, and although it still remains sadly a massive burden - there have been enormous steps forward in reducing mother to child transmission to give just one example. What I am trying to say here, is that change is possible, and can be brought about when people ADMIT that there is a problem, and take steps to address it.

Ive just realised this is going to be a bit longer than I had planned sorry....

I have long supported the Nelson Mandela Foundation, and when he was sick in hospital, I was too. I wrote to him, a very long letter, was told it was a bit depressing - but I was only being honest!! I told him exactly how much admiration I had for him, and deep respect, and that even though he didnt know me, I knew him. I also told him that my plan of meeting him clearly wasnt going to happen now (since this was shortly before his death), but that I would keep my promise, and I would visit him even after his death. I was told it was morbid (possibly true!!), and that....it had no chance of ever reaching him. Well, I posted it with a South African friend directly to the Mandela Foundation, and to my astonishment about 6 months later when I was out of hospital I received a reply!!! I was exited from the moment I saw the envelope...and I still have the letter (enlarged) framed on my wall. Thanking me for my writing and that it would be conveyed to Mr Mandela. I was so happy to read this. And with a friend, after his death, kept my promise and went all the way to where he was born and is buried (Qunu, Eastern Cape), in a car we hired from Soweto, and left flowers at the gate of the Mandela Family Home. Clearly could get no further, but the guard said he would place the flowers on his grave for me. We sat there and couldnt believe we had made it. Then I found a rock...this might sound mad....but I was travelling with a geologist (handy when you find a rock!), who told me it was pure metaquartzite; and very rare generally in South Africa. It was sat there, all alone, glistening in the sun. I was convinced (so was she) that he had left it there for me. And I still have it to this date; I call it Mandela (not "pure metaquartzite!), and im convinced that I can communicate with him through it. I have taken it to bed with me begging it to make things go away, give me guidance, I am now rarely seen without it. I spent New Years Eve (Old Years Night on SH) with my Mandela rock...and a candle for company (!). That way he is always with me. To me that is one special rock.

I also know, although I wasnt convinced at the time, that he did get my letter. Again this will sound mad, but due to illness I was unable (and still am) to sleep for a long time. My friend who was coming with me knew nothing of SA, but she had a dream; she called me the next day saying she had to tell me about it, because Mandela was there, and came through her door with a rainbow (she didnt even know it as the "Rainbow Nation"), and told her that he was grateful for my letter and to pass on his gratitude to me. And she did. Im now convinced that he couldnt access me because I was awake, so went into her dream instead to get the msg to me :) She was also unaware also that id written the letter to him in the first place. So it all felt too real to ignore. To think back now about my letter...bright purple pen, its the only one I had, and it was 8 pages long :) I later had a dream, where I met him and was able to hug him, finally got my Mandela hug too. After that I felt like I did not need to regret not thanking him in person....I had connected with him at last...

Lebo's saw my friend and I three times on that adventure (!). ...it became my second home then...and now I feel more strongly connected than ever. As I will explain now....

Skipping forward to my experience last year back on St Helena - I had booked my journey, to travel there and back via Ascension Island. Everything, as many will now be aware went even more upside down after the assault. First of all, the ship broke down - she was in dry dock in Simons town, but then one her way back to Cape Town was leaking...so was more broken than she was to start with (!), so back to Simons Town she went....for over a month. This meant I was delayed on St Helena until she could get back. Then another piece went missing - Ascension Island suddenly closed its runway, as it said it was "dangerous to land on"...(here was I with my flight phobia being assured by all initially that flying with the RAF was the safest thing ever :/ :/ ), so dangerous in fact that it would take....three years to fix !!!! Three years.

So......now I had no choice. I cannot be stuck on St Helena for 3 years, that was out of the question when in such a state. My only option was to go to Cape Town. At first of course, in the state I was in, and given what had just happened, and the fact I know South Africa well.....it was actually the last place I wanted to be. I wasnt feeling strong enough. I wasnt prepared. I wasnt planning to go to South Africa! I had no warm clothes, no maps / books with me, no adaptor to be able to use my phone, and I was trying to carry things I usually wouldnt even dare. But I have to say that now, it was exactly what I needed, and I wouldnt change it for the world. I was also lucky that my friend from Durban was flying back to UK from Joburg, and the shipping company booked me on her flight. There was no way I was willing to travel through SA with a suitcase (I only ever take them to St Helena .... no where else...), so the shipping company also agreed to get that shipped for me so that I didnt have to worry about it. Was a bit vague....it too was going via Cape Town (!).....and no one knew exactly when I would be reunited with my belongings. But it was better than taking the risk of dragging all that with me. Through somewhere I wasnt planning on going. This time.

This was to be the single most therapeutic thing that happened to me since the assault on St Helena. It was all meant to be. The ship needed to break down so that I could attend my Nana's funeral, Ascension was meant to close so that I had to go to South Africa....I now know that I would not have coped any other way at the time. I got to spend longer on the beloved RMS, albeit travelling in the wrong direction (I started writing a book about my totally unexpected, totally unplanned, and totally unprepared for, trip to South Africa, but its taking me a while....its called "3000 miles in the wrong direction"..). I had the social worker on board with me for the whole journey, who had supported me on ST Helena. I then arrived in Cape town and gradually made my way via Intercape all the way to Johannesburg via Port Elizabeth, Chintsa, and Durban; yes I Intercaped my way across South Africa. I used a sock for my money, I had to buy warm things in Cape Town (I was expecting to be on the equator not in a Cape Town winter...), but the mission of "having no choice" was extremely beneficial at that time - I had no spare time to think about what had just happened to me. I had to keep myself safe, and get myself to where I needed to be. I had many an adventure....but that for the other blog. And eventually....I spent my last 5 days waiting for my friend, back at Lebo's in Soweto. Back home. The only thing of value I had with me was my flute...which I decided was worth the risk, and I was able to spend time with the children in the art school who although they wont know it, helped me immensely. As much as I helped them.

I already felt like i was "going home" whilst on the bus from Durban to Johannesburg. And on my very last day in Soweto.....I cried into my dinner....literally!! I was so afraid of having to leave....and come back here and face everything. It is strange people might think, that I feel safest, in some of what others think are the most dangerous places. But I felt so much love during my time there, memories came back from my previous trips to Soweto.....I felt at home. With the people. I knew I was supposed to be there. I did whatever I could to help the children while I was there, and have tried to support them since ive been back here. As I said, I left my heart in Soweto. And to these people I am forever grateful.

Im too tired to keep writing now....but for those Saints who still live under the impression (hateful and hurtful when you say these things in public) that if you go to Johannesburg you will be "shot, stabbed and killed"....think again. And perhaps....now that you HAVE to go through Jo'burg, to your horror, you will experience the real place for yourself. Im not here to put forward stats on SA, and it shouldnt matter....but for the record, Cape Town is actually more dangerous. That is all I will say on that matter. But you now have the chance to see the real Jozi for yourself, and I hope that someday, some of you will choose to spend your time there in Soweto (although im fully aware that I am the only Saint / half - saint to have EVER stayed in Soweto). Because its a home from home, and to not visit....and spend time with these people, you are truly missing out.

Right now I cant think of anywhere on Earth I love more, and feel "at home". And that is the reason, that as I said in my latest poem....I HAVE to go back. I am going back to Soweto to escape the pain again, to find myself, and to spend time with these wonderful people again who I feel a part of. At this moment - that is the ONLY thing keeping me going. It might not fix me forever, I cant stay forever....but I know I need to be there. I need to go "home". xx