Sometimes......like right now....its impossible and completely pointless to try and answer "your questions".
They serve to make those already totally engulfed by "guilt, shame, and blame".... feel even more guilty, ashamed and...to blame.
But they also serve to expose the sinister victim blaming culture that sadly exists to this day.
Thank you for the email.... that has been forwarded to me... now asking me "Why did you come back to St Helena in the first place"? This was sent in an email (now forwarded to me for answers) a week after the "incident" took place.
For any sane person, the answers should be perfectly reasonable and acceptable; but ....for you it is simply not "good enough" to want to go back and see family you hadnt seen in ten years, including your Nana who died while you were there, that is still not good enough, even to be back to a familiar warm place - with so many happy memories to relax for a while...is still not good enough. Even to get the opportunity to travel on the RMS one last time....thats not good enough. To re-explore favourite places...not good enough. To catch up with friends....not good enough. I even travelled with people who were "tourists"....some had links some didnt..they were going to "see the place"....I guess that wouldnt be good enough either - for they had no connections with it whatsoever (!). To me I thought nothing "abnormal" about people wanting to travel back to, or to St Helena for the first time, and even those who wanted to simply be on the RMS one last time. To me that was completely logical.
I cannot give you the answers that you would find acceptable, because they simply do not exist. But what your questions DO.... is simply make me feel even more at fault. You asked this a WEEK after the incident took place. And im still being asked this to date. To me that puts me entirely at blame from your point of view. Clearly none of this would have happened if I wasnt stupid enough to go back. But I am sorry...I still do not regret it. And I will also NOT take responsibility for "the incident"...or his death.
I know people who are currently due to travel back to ST Helena....very shortly and in a few months....and it would not even occur to me to question their "reasons for doing so". Why should they "need" a reason...to go back..? Why should anyone need a "reason"....to travel anywhere??
Or is it when they find themselves a victim of crime....that they then suddenly need "reasons" to justify their return?