Thirty Nine Years Old

It wasn't the best birthday, Not that 39 is exciting anyway, But I wasn't quite prepared For what my brain threw my way today What is even the point? In turning 39? Next year Clare and I are going to Ethiopia - to sneakily go back in time ;) 38 was old enough But still not quite that bad 39 is a lot more daunting For there are no more "30's" to be had But a few days ago I met a friend Who just turned 70 last week What was even more shocking - she is still much fitter than me! Her grandson is now 17 I once taught him to bake cakes Back when I shared her house Duncan was at primary school for goodness sake! I don't know if Clare feels the same About this weird age to become Or whether as some say its just a number My 70yr old friends are forever young I have so much admiration for Clare With her determination to succeed, She does make me feel younger Although turning 39 is still shit - it must be agreed :/ But I was determined to make the best Of the last year beginning with "3" Although I dramatically failed Got dressed, panicked, then ate grapes until tea... I did let down Teresa I admire her so much too We were supposed to eat cake And how I miss our conversations about poo.. But here I still am Dressed for both Africa and the North Pole Required a walking pole to get to the pub With snow turned to ice - it wouldn't be pretty to fall... But I finished my day with a whisky A wee dram to still being 30 something A single malt Aberlour came to my rescue To compliment the huge amount of Diazepam I shall try again tomorrow Looking forward to seeing Carryn again So I officially cancelled my birthday And tomorrow I will try again But my goodness how Im so grateful To some very special friends Here in Aberdeen, Mary and Glyn are those friends My brain tortures me frequently And today we had so many plans They all went down the toilet Quite literally (!) but gladly from the right end.. So generous are my adopted family I can never be grateful enough For putting up with my panic Understanding my brain says its "had enough" It might have been a shitty birthday But I don't know where i'd have been If it were not for Glyn and Mary And their endless compassion and understanding. To all my friends - sorry for being "weird", and I really do appreciate all your kindness with all my heart.. ❤️